Thursday, April 5, 2012

Can't sleep...

 Warning: This is a long winded,  "I can't sleep so I am going to rant" rant that will either bore you or annoy you. But then again, maybe you guys will relate and make me feel better. So in that case, read on.

So today was definitely a long one: I had a huge mass of homework, presentations and papers to think about; I witnessed a girl having a seizure at my daily coffee shop and had to step in to help; I am stressing, emphasis on the stressing, about my grammar lesson/ presentation in the afternoon, and I simply can not fall asleep. It's been a pretty long time since I have had a nice like this and I definitely do not miss them. I am pretty much a sleepaholic (is that a word? well now it is! I like how auto-correct keeps trying to change it to "shopaholic" too) so when I can't fall asleep it is annoying. 

So besides my crazy day, I am also "being a female" and am attached to something and I can't just let it go. I am sure men do this all the time but I know for a fact women do, therefore I put "being a female". I apologize in advance for any feminists that are annoyed by that... 

So what is this attachment to? A house. A house that I want my husband and I to rent, that is. We live in a tiny little apartment currently, and although it is pretty much in a perfect area I for some reason just don't feel like it is home. I have become a sloth in this apartment: I am always lazy, I don't clean up after myself, and I feel like I can't even decorate this apartment to make it feel like a home because it has such a weird layout (so maybe that is why I don't clean it like I use to clean our old apartment?) I can't figure out why I have become a slacker) It is cute in its own way, but I'm over it. Done. Finito.

So here is where I am annoyed. I have been on the hunt for a new place for us, and after a good 3-5 other places I have looked at, I have found a home for rent that I absolutely love. It has character, it has a yard that I can plant strawberries in, it has a kitchen that I can bake like a crazy woman in, and it even has a area for the husband to get himself a BBQ and create awesome meals like he has always talked about wanting to do. Only problem is it doesn't have air conditioning and the bedrooms are a bit smaller than what we have now, although the overall square footage is larger than our current apartment. But those things I can live with (although I might end up really regretting the AC thing, but I am choosing to ignore that). 

So what is the problem? The hubs doesn't really want to move. He is fine where we are now and he doesn't want to spend the money on moving. And I DO understand that, truly. But I did that female thing and became attached. I am already picturing how to decorate this place: I am going to plant a morning glory on the outside patio to cover the boring poles; I am going to put awesome pictures on the gorgeously colored wall above the couch, which will also be against the wall and not oddly placed in the middle of the living room like it is now, and so on. It is frustrating me that I can't win him over and get him to just go see it. 

But I also can't tell if I am just frustrated because I am not getting what I want. Isn't that sad? Do you guys ever feel that way? I have pretty much gotten a lot of things that I have wanted in my life, even though I might not have worked all that hard to acquire them. So I feel like this might just be one of those moments where I am angry at myself for being so selfish, but I also keep feeling like a child again and am giddy about the prospect of this new home. And come on, we could have a HOME and not an apartment. Isn't that enough? 

I feel like such a diva for even complaining about this. It just feels so wrong and I should get over it. But I feel like if I keep trying and trying, begging and begging, maybe he will give in and go look at it, fall madly in love, and let us move there. But then I win again, and shouldn't I try to quit winning sometimes and just let someone else win?

Maybe I should just go on and on about this tomorrow during my presentation and not talk about dangling or squinting (yes, squinting) modifiers. I'm sure the class would appreciate that more. 

Okay, thanks for letting me vent my friends :) Sorry there was no pretty polish picture here... but sometimes you just need to vent. Right? Si.

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